Sunday, March 20, 2011

Into the Light, Kind Of...

I'm back here to say that I made it through the nightmare of treatment but not without some side effects, both inside and out. Often you hear about the "long road of recovery" kidding. A person doesn't come out of cancer without feeling changed somehow, maybe even robbed and violated. I see myself smiling in these pictures and wonder at myself, "how can you smile after being in the dark for so long?" I feel that people who haven't been through the darkness yet want me to come out on this other end, joining them, jumping up and down joyfully reaffirming the triumph of the human spirit. Well-meaning friends wanted me to join them in breast cancer walks and marathons. I imagined that people waited words of wisdom fall out of mouth when they asked how I was doing. I don't think they expected me to say, "I think I need psychotherapy," or "My ears are ringing constantly, a possible side effect from the chemo, how are you?"
Everyday is a little better, and then worse and then better. I guess that's life. Sometimes sweet and then sometimes bittersweet. Sweet and not I like my cereal in the morning.

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