my walks

Finally seeing the light after last Friday's treatment. Try to take walks around my neighborhood and this helps with the cabin fever and some of the nausea. I've been thinking about what I'm going to go back to after I'm done with the chemo and I'm most excited to go back to just how my life was....doing all those little things like cooking dinner and playing with Ian. So basic, it really has surprised me what matters most to me. I used to be so worried about finding a new career or doing something that I thought would impact the world a little more. Turns out, I had it pretty good and I just know it now. Thank goodness for the little things.

Yerba Mate

In Argentina, there's a great tradition of passing around a "bomba" of mate to your close friend or family member. Just sipping through the metal pipe, having conversation, passing it back to your server for more. For some reason the caffeine-effects are not the same as while chugging a venti-size on a playground keeping one eye on Ian and the other on my cold neck. Having no hair makes me feel like a helpless seal in the cold. I am still up, having had a blissfully good feeling day even through some of Ian's emotional rants: "I don't want to go hoooome. I want to go home! Help me! Help me, my head is stuck! I don't want a sweater- said I don't want one!. I want a sweaeter on, I'm coooooold." All the while chugging my tea. Now I'm up thinking about starting the CD compilation exchange group thing Christina set up. When I'm feeling goo, the list of things to get done before "I"m down" seems to grow. Stuff like, get Ian bigger sized underwear sounds like a funny priority, but needed!
Wrote a few songs down and will try to share later. Embarrassingly have to figure out how to burn a cd first.

Merry Scary Christmas

L'annee sans lumiere

Woke up to this song last week (Arcade Fire) and I thought "how fitting". The closer it it gets to the end the year, the better for this household. Ian's really wanting me to grow my hair back....his level of stress about it gets worse after some time away. I tell him it'll be back by the time he's four. And that's what he repeats...to EVERYONE: the checkout guy to the random parent at school. I need my own superhero costume to hide inside, what do you think?
These last three treatments are promising to be an, um, challenge. Thank goodness for you, K.

As a Christmas aside, my Mom began the holiday season by gifting Ian a four foot tall, realisitic-looking Santa to put in his room. Pics soon. Sufficed to say, it did not make it to his room and she was a little huffy that it was in the trunk of the car over the weekend. Where it may return.....

Shopping Therapy

Cute shoes for my cute little guy. He requested laces.

Ian really needed a new bed. That was a big, fun purchase.

Sweet, sweet, Marc Jacobs. I love you.

I've been busy trying to make self feel better for the cards I'm holding now and shopping really works!

Artistes wear Headscarves

Had lunch with a new BC friend at Sal's a few days ago. She was deep into telling me her story when the woman in the booth behind her interrupts us: "Excuse me (to me)...did you go to the Academy of Art years ago?" No, I didn't, but she gave us a good laugh.

Train Under Water

Coming out of a self-pity phase.
Keep meaning to write down all the funny things Ian says. "Looks like a coconut hit your head." And then, "Mama, you are so beautiful", when I am make-up-less and so very hairless. To be three!
Profound thoughts because I have so much time to think about things. Everything moves so slowly. It's like being stuck on BART forever, in the damn tunnel. I know it's going to move at some point, but the WAITING.
Grateful to be on pre-school pick-up this afternoon.